She said her name was "party"
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
