You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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