I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
