Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
