your parents love me but you hate me
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
