Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
