He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
