looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
