So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
