It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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