i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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