11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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