Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
