1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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