What a fucking waste of an outfit
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
