Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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