Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
