I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
