addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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