the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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