so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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