Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
