C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
