God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
