phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
