i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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