I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
