im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
