i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
