so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Randomize