i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
