Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Randomize
