You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
