u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
