ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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