Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
