dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
