My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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