I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
