Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
