That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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