I am puke
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
