The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
When did angry sex become our thing?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
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