So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
