Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
