Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
