You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
