u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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