If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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