I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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