nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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